Friday, July 26, 2013

A good hard look

I have steadily gained weight for the last year and a half of my life. I weigh more than I ever have. I absolutely hate seeing pictures of myself and I avoid mirrors at all costs. Today, I finally admitted that I've been in a certain amount of denial. I know the numbers on the scale have changed, I know most of my clothes don't fit, and I know I am out of shape. I also knew that I haven't been allowing myself to completely register how unhealthy I am because of all the emotion that would come along with the truth of my reality.

So, I stripped down and took a good hard look at myself.

I'm not sure I can even articulate how I feel. I'm scared, sad, worried, embarrassed and mad. I am overwhelmed. I am disgusted.

I know that it's possible to loose the weight. I worry that I won't do it. I know I have to change my diet. I am scared that I won't be able to break the habits I've developed.

After writing this, I know that I need help to accomplish my goals. I have 28 pounds to loose. I'm not sure I can do it on my own this time.

I don't know much, but I do know this; you have to be truthful with yourself if you want to change.

Gloria Steinem
“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” 
― Gloria Steinem 

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Day one...again

I've been wanting to loose weight for a year and a half now. Everyday seems to be day one. I have the knowledge and the resources and the support I need. What I don't have is the motivation. That's why I started this blog. No one can loose the weight for me. I need to be my own inspiration and motivation. I've always been one of those girls who's never happy with how she looks. Now, at my heaviest, I want to go back to that thinner girl and shake her. "You get even fatter!" Enjoy your body now! You are young and thin! Own it!" When I was on high school I remember complaining about my weight to my no nonsense best friend. "Then do something about it," she responded. Simple but not easy. So this is the quote I'm holding onto:
"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that an airplane takes off going against the wind, not with it." - Henry Ford